Even the frickin’ Count agrees…

This was posted by a FB Community I follow on FB: Geeky Girls from the Dark Side.

I read the Twilight series. I’m a strong believer in trying something before you knock it (kinda how I became a gamer in the first place…). I can understand why teenage girls (and boys) enjoy the books. They’re very appealing to young people who crave love and attention and are wrapped up in the “Oh, I want a boyfriend/girlfriend and I don’t have any worth if I’m alone” cycle. Not only is it understandable, it’s possible I might have gotten involved in the craze had the books been around fifteen years ago when I was fifteen.

But I wasn’t fifteen when I read them. I was old enough to be troubled by the obsessive natures of both the protagonist and her love interest. Don’t both of them attempt suicide when they think they can’t have the other? Yeah, it didn’t work out for Romeo and Juliet either, and they were far more honest about being sexually frustrated teenagers. Oh, and Edward Cullen? You’re a pedophile. Yes, you have the body of a teenager, but you’re a hundred years old. Why are you hanging out in a high school (that goes for your creepy “brothers and sisters” too)? If I were a vampire, I’d hang out in a high school, but I’d do it for the bountiful feast sitting in the uncomfortable desks and brooding in the hallway between lockers. The Cullens don’t have that excuse: they’re vegetarians. Continuing with the pedophilia…I don’t care how often Stephanie Meyer tried to explain how “imprinting” wasn’t the same as “creepily-being-in-love-with-an-infant,” I’m not buying.

Game of Thrones is less sexually perverse.

Sure, vampires can be sexy. But please don’t forget they’re actually monsters and any interest they have in humans should be limited to one of two things: 1 – I’m hungry and 2 – The only way I can procreate is if I bite you. (I’m aware of the mythology that supports Bella getting knocked up with Edward’s baby. I’m just being traditional. Vampires shouldn’t sparkle and they shouldn’t be able to impregnate someone.)

Dear Stephanie Meyer: please grow up and read Dracula or the Anne Rice novels. They might scare you a little, and you won’t be comfortable with dealing with “non-vegetarian” vampires, but I promise you: you will understand why the above picture is hilarious. You may also want to consider the psychological reasons behind your need to sympathize with a brand of “vampire” that clearly should be on the losing side of any supernatural war.

xoxo – All of us.

 

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